There are two kinds of people I don't trust: people who don't drink and people who collect stickers.
humor drinking alcohol
I went out with a guy who once told me I didn’t need to drink to make myself more fun to be around. I told him, I’m drinking so that you’re more fun to be around.
Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with some one long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.
You know you're a hot mess when the only person buying you drinks all night is yourself.
Funny hot-mess funny
Men don’t realize that if we’re sleeping with them on the first date, we’re probably not interested in seeing them again either.
I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker.
He laid into me with the same gusto as a right-wing political pundit on the O'Reilly Factor defending President's Bush right to vacation six days out of the week.
My negotiation skills are are on par with George Bush's reading ability. And just like Dubya, every time I've tried to put forth an effort, I am reminded that my only true strength lies in drinking.
Paris Hilton is going on a goodwill mission to Rwanda. It’s the first time an entire Third World country will have to get immunizations for a visitor.
ONE OF MY girlfriends was getting married. This was becoming an annoying pattern.
This women/ killer was a testament to my theory that the crazier you are, the more calories you burn. That's why psychos are always so skinny.
I was in a tailspin of confusion I hadn't experienced since the first time I heard George W. Bush speak.