Love is 3:33 am plus 360 degrees plus 365 days, minus 12:34 pm. I ought to know, because I weighed it myself.
I want a 100% kind of relationship, and I’m willing to give it 50%.
I’d like to file a missing person’s report—on my clone. It’s nearly 2012. He should have been here by now.
The year 2000 came from heaven, and so did my new mullet.
mullet Funny heaven
When the clock reads 3:00, I don’t call it three o’clock, I call it three hundred, and I remember the Spartans. At 3:01, however, I remember what I was doing at 2:59, and I get back to it.
I collect collect calls from the 80s. I prefer them in mint condition, meaning the phone's still ringing.
I don't want to work a 9-5 job, because 20 hours a day is just too much.
If love played an instrument, I’ll bet it would be the piano. 88 keys, double infinity, and the ability to chop down trees with a sharpened mustache.
I cut my hair so it looks like I just woke up all the time, so that I can be like, what year is it? I’ve been asleep since the 80s.
When I turned 30, I was done with Thousand Island dressing. I have moved on to Island Number 1001.
If loving someone is putting them in a straitjacket and kicking them down a flight of stairs, then yes, I have loved a few people.
crazy absurd humor
I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don't want to pull a muscle, so I stretch a lot. That's why I'm constantly either rolling my eyes or yawning.
relationships people mind