Authors: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Love is 3:33 am plus 360 degrees plus 365 days, minus 12:34 pm. I ought to know, because I weighed it myself.
Love
I want a 100% kind of relationship, and I’m willing to give it 50%.
I’d like to file a missing person’s report—on my clone. It’s nearly 2012. He should have been here by now.
Funny
The year 2000 came from heaven, and so did my new mullet.
heaven year- Funny
When the clock reads 3:00, I don’t call it three o’clock, I call it three hundred, and I remember the Spartans. At 3:01, however, I remember what I was doing at 2:59, and I get back to it.
I collect collect calls from the 80s. I prefer them in mint condition, meaning the phone's still ringing.
Food
I don't want to work a 9-5 job, because 20 hours a day is just too much.
If love played an instrument, I’ll bet it would be the piano. 88 keys, double infinity, and the ability to chop down trees with a sharpened mustache.
I cut my hair so it looks like I just woke up all the time, so that I can be like, what year is it? I’ve been asleep since the 80s.
When I turned 30, I was done with Thousand Island dressing. I have moved on to Island Number 1001.
If loving someone is putting them in a straitjacket and kicking them down a flight of stairs, then yes, I have loved a few people.
humor funny-and-random Funny
I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don't want to pull a muscle, so I stretch a lot. That's why I'm constantly either rolling my eyes or yawning.
mind conversations absurd
