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How many observe Christ's birthday! How few, His precepts!
christmas christian-behavior religion
A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.
Never Man Always
My girlfriend bought me a collared shirt for my birthday, mainly so I don’t get too far ahead of her when she takes me for a walk.
girlfriend walk funny
But we're going to smile and pretend we're fine with the dorky birthmas gifts because people do not get that they can't mush a birthday into christmas.
Humor
I called to wish you an unhappy birthday because you're evil and you lie and if you should die I may feel slightly sad, but I won't cry.
Evil
Death smells like birthday cake.
Death
Just to show my dad that I think he's number one, I bought him a urinal cake for his birthday.
urinal-cake funny humor
I grabbed a pile of dust, and holding it up, foolishly asked for as many birthdays as the grains of dust, I forgot to ask that they be years of youth.
Youth
My birthday is on a holiday, I just have to wait until I die and they commemorate me.
immortalize Death humor
Let's make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake--you know, to send the right message to kids.
gay-rights Law
Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.
Humor birthday
Birthdays could be such a bummer when you were older than the country you lived in.
life Age birthday
